“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
I have been on my email recently and DM on twitter and a lot have asked why I stopped my blog. The simple explanation is that the blog was originally only going to be up and running for a year, a year in the life of an Ashley Madison female. Yet it is almost two years since I was signed up to Ashley Madison and Illicit Encounters and due to the people I met I have been off those websites for over a year and a half. Despite the blog becoming successful (I was approached to write a weekly column) I reached a stage when I wanted to restore my privacy, and had an urgent need which I can’t explain to reclaim myself and my life. I cannot quantify it or describe it, and it does not mean I did anything wrong or suddenly became prudish, but privacy became very important to me and therefore I removed the blog posts and concurrently pictures of myself or body parts off twitter. It was also hurting a person I have become, and remain close to, and I wanted to stop that hurt and arguments henceforth. I am generally just a decent person and like to be respectful and perceptive of others. A jolly good all-round egg, soft at the core hard on the exterior but a lover of people and respondent to their feelings.
It did however led me to the opportunities to meet some wonderful people including those at Eroticon and I would recommend every person, whether they write a blog or not, to attend and meet the wonderfully Molly , Michael and Girl on the Net who superbly organised the event. It was wonderful for a short time to be part of that sex community. Writing the blog, and revealing my self after I discovered sex late in life, gave me a sense of worth of my body, partly through learning of such memes as Sinful Sunday I also for a few weeks joined in with the wonderful Wicked Wednesday run by the inspiring wonderful Marie Rebelle Despite many people telling me my body was beautiful, responsive and receptive that little woodpecker in my head told me different. Now I try not to sweat the small stuff and eat that cake if I want it. Curvaceous, booby and a pure woman thats me. I have learnt that we all have faults and we should try and accept and learn to love the faults as being part of us. In disbelief I found my self able to post pictures of my wobbly bits on Sinful Sunday and joyfully found people wrote the most wonderful comments which changed my mindset of the perfect body. For that I thank you all. After all we are all different and who I might think is gorgeous others go yuk. I did eventually realise my limitations, my photography was shockingly poor and despite finding confidence in my body I think started to lack confidence in the sense that I could never produce a good picture or idea, the framing was wrong, the exposure terrible and compared to the others who post on Sinful Sunday mine were dire so it was time to stop before the comments were on the lack of skill not the subject! Therefore I now enjoy looking at others and take great joy from doing so, and indeed every week I look and admire and am cheering you all on. You give others strength to come forward too. I root for all of you, admire you, laugh with you and recently have shed tears for you. I don’t think there is a bad person among you, which is a wonderful thing to actually be able to write, after all in real life, you can’t like everyone and not everyone can like you.
It also opened me to the world of twitter. I confess I never quite understand twitter or the fact that I believe that for some RL and timelines cross the line mesh together once too often. I suppose my mindset is twitter is fun, informative, but definitely not Real Life. I don’t understand and nor to I want to understand or be part of cliches, groups, and the intensity of effort, and there are too many cliques in this sex world, fortunately I remained very much an outsider which suited me. I am also very literal and that includes what I read which brings its own problems. But that is me, for some twitter provides far more than what I am looking for. However through DM’s and learning of characters I find that I like to dip in and enjoy interactions but comment spontaneously and briefly. I shall continue to enjoy twitter for the pleasure it gives me, but will continue to respect it as a field for fun primarily. I don’t have a normal account that I tweet on, perhaps I am missing out as I have lots of interests apart from sex! I do look forward to the meetings I have arranged with those I have chatted to extensively via DM’s and the ones I have already met again. I shall continue to remain inspired by the wonderful Haikus by 19 syllables, the reasoned arguments of HT Honey and the wonderful Watching Distant , whose mellifluous voice is just sheer delight as is the photography of Exposing 40 but also look forward to the new friends I may meet via tweets!
So my life continues. I have some incredible adventures, I have bought more delicious underwear than ever in my life (no longer needing to be practical and sensible I can be frivolous with both lace and silk and even metal). I have a loft full of sex toys and gadgets which I traipse around London with, akin to a one woman band but sex toys replacing cymbals and drums. I write but in private and I follow blogs with glee Bibulous One being a current favourite. He writes with flair and at times I find myself reading his blog posts one hand covering my eye as I experience mentally every iota of pain he cherishes. He is like me, writing about real life experiences.
Sometimes I feel a pang, missing the excitement of writing a post, I write quickly and without alteration so apologies for spelling and bad grammar, but paradoxically also finding myself free to experience more sex, more adventures without feeling I have to broadcast them. Although I used the wordpress platform in reality the blog was just written for me. But I like to thank those who continue to write, for without your input I would never have quite discovered the world of sex positivity that is out there. Sex belongs to any adult age, it no longer stops at 50, in fact for many of us, sex starts at a more mature age.
Finally a thanks to Leo, whose own blog set the seed of this blog, and who set up and funded my own efforts. He remains a friend x